Holiday cheer, horseback rescue, and why you should send all your money to Ukraine

Here’s another installment of the Great American Syndicate newsletter - your All-American mixtape. Straight hits only. 

Here’s what we have for you today:

• Help A Grieving Friend or Family Member Through the Holidays

• Biden May Consider Some Border Control Measures

• NYPD Gallop in on Horseback to Rescue a Special Needs Child

How to Help A Grieving Friend or Family Member Through the Holidays

How do you help someone who is grieving, through the Holidays? The Holidays- especially the first one after the loss- can feel like agony. It can be especially hard to help someone through- especially if you, too, are grieving the same person in a different way. 

What few people know about grief before it hits them, is that it is a very physical pain. It is more painful physically than a lot of things people think of as being the most painful things; Kidney stones and labor, for instance, are often noted as being excruciatingly painful. I can vouch for that accuracy, as I’ve experienced both. And for a while, I thought those were the most painful things I’d ever experience. 

But I was wrong. 

Grief feels like every single nerve ending is being set on fire. It feels like your bones are being jackhammered. Your skull is pounding. Your heart alternates between feeling paralyzed and frantic. Sweat randomly pours down your body even as your internal temperature plummets. Sleep, food, and even breathing all become things your body does not want any part of, so you must almost battle for all of that. 

Unlike all the physical injuries and illnesses I’ve experienced otherwise, there is no sedative, or surgical procedure, or cast, or pill that can alleviate the pain for even a moment. There is no reprieve, no shelter, and no end in sight. It’s important for you to understand this and take it into consideration when attempting to help someone through their grief.

. Here are some ways you can best show up for someone, to help them through their first Holiday season after the death of their spouse or another family member they love intensely. 

Know that nothing you do will alleviate the pain - so don’t even try. Instead, just allow them to feel it without telling them to “be strong.” 

Understand that forcing them to attend family gatherings or other events may not be the best thing for them. Maybe they need to drop their young children off to enjoy family time, while they themselves slip out for a break. Maybe, the onslaught of visuals- seeing all the other happy couples kissing under the mistletoe, or lighting a menorah together, will be so excruciating for them, that simply being in the room requires them to dig so deeply into their reserves of strength, that they collapse in pain = alone- when they return home.

Ask me how I know…

If that person does show up, cut them some slack! Did they forget to bring an appetizer? If so- did they commit the offense of buying it instead of making it from scratch? Did they come in jeans instead of dress clothes? Are they late? Do they say they are leaving early? Do they not smile or laugh the way you think they should? 

Cut. Them. Some. Slack. 

Offer to come over and help them wrap presents for their kids. Pop over and slide in a gift or two just for them, so they feel remembered. Let them talk about their memories, and spend time sitting with them in whatever mood they are in.

Meet them where they are- not where you think they should be.

It is the season of giving. So give the grieving person, the gift of understanding and support.

- Barb